For those of you who spent your Memorial Day Weekend sizing up all the girls around you, you probably saw at least 7 of them wearing a logo'd one piece from Private Party. These branded one pieces are everywhere these days and are super cute, but if you spent all your money this weekend on Spiked Seltzer and sunscreen then you probs can't afford one. Even if you can afford one of these suits at around $100/piece, that doesn't mean you'll find one with a logo you can relate to enough to invest.
I would absolutely buy one of these but I have yet to find one that speaks to me enough to frolick around on the beach with having to deal with creepy dad's asking me about or making a weird joke every 20 minutes, like when I wear my super ripped jeans and every man over the age of 55 has to ask if I paid extra for the holes like yes, of course, I f*cking did Tom, Jesus, is that a serious question?!
If you're not familiar with these one suits, a few options you have to choose from in terms of what they say range from "I GOT IT FROM MY MAMA", to "I LOOKED LIKE BEY ON MY WEDDING DAY", to "HERMES LINK ICE BLUE MINK" I don't even know what the f*ck that means, to my personal favorite, and one I slightly relate to, "FRENCH TOAST".
These are cute, but highly un-relatable. If I actually could make one of these suits to say something that applies to my real life I'm living right now it would be more along the lines of "MISSED MY SPIN CLASS", "SAD ON SUNDAYS", "MISSED MY SPIN CLASS AGAIN CHARGED LATE FEE FUCK", or maybe I'll even get creative with it and have something like "ROSE' & ROSACEA" like thats that real sh*t that would stand out to me.
Since I have yet to find a PP suit I love enough to invest in, I decided to start with something small with the word "Shady", simply for branding purposes and I'm pleased with the results. The whole thing cost me about $17 and 15 minutes of my time and I'm now considering starting my own line of realistic logo suits, starting with either "SKINNY FAT", or "FLOSSING SUCKS"...or you can just follow my steps below and come up with your own.
step one: buy your supplies
- One Piece Swimsuit - any color/style you like! I snagged this one from Amazon for like $11
- Iron on letters: any font you'd like, I went with these high school cheerleader blockish letters from Michaels for no particular reason
- Iron, borrow your parents or buy your own cuz you're an adult
- A sheet from your pillow or cotton t sheet (this is just as a heat barrier will not be damaged)
step two: cut and place out letters
Cut out your letters (don't peal off the plastic on the sheet) literally just cut out letters and place plastic side facing up on top on the suit how you'd like them to appear. Pro Tip: spell your words correctly.
step three: bring the heat, baby
Place your heat barrier (cotton sheet, pillow case, shirt, etc.) and iron on top of the letters for around 5 minutes. Apply light pressure the entire time and make sure to get the edges of each individual letter until they're sealed onto your suit.
Once you're done with this, flip the suit over and apply the heat barrier and iron for 2 minutes to seal the deal from the back.
step four: peal off the plastic and paper
Slowly peal off the plastic and paper cut out around your letters. These should come off easily if you applied enough pressure with the iron in step 3. If you start to pull up the letter as well, stop peaking and apply the iron for a few more minutes.